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Well.. that was a fail.. or was it?

I know, I know, I was supposed to be posting every day and I haven't even been posting every day, BUT I have a valid excuse. I was was busy keeping the seams of my life together. This past two weeks have been TRYING me, but I also think there is a great lesson to learn behind it all.

First: Amazon delayed my shipment not just once, but twice and put all of my orders behind so I spend a lot of time panicking. Lesson learned behind it:

I need to work on making sure to keep stock ahead of myself rather than ordering as needed. The initial investment is difficult, but I need to bite the bullet and make it happen to avoid any delays. Have I known this for a long time? Yes. But have I been so broke I am too afraid to spend the money? Also yes. But I need to get over the fear, I am too busy doubting myself and my abilities that I tend to act as though I will never make another sale again, rather than the obvious truth that I WILL continue to make sales and I NEED to invest in myself. Stopping this mentality is difficult, but nothing will get better until I change the mindset from worse case scenario to best case. I'm so busy preparing for when it all fails that I have forgotten to prepare for when it all works out.

If you are doing the same: working off the mentality of preparing to fail, just know #1 you are not alone, but most importantly #2, stop. You are worthy of success. While being prepared for failure is never a bad thing, its always good to have a back up plan, never make it your way of life because you will become so consumed with prepping for failure that you'll miss the opportunity for success, you simply wont be prepared for it. Instead of thinking of all the ways everything can fail, start thinking of all the ways you can succeed!

Then secondly, I cant go into much details because of legality reasons, but my ex threw a tantrum over Child Support taking him to court, and he is retaliating against me. Threw harsh words at me out of the blue and it just overall got to me. I didn't let him effect me as to slow me down, but the hurt from the words he used still lingered and clouded my brain a bit. Thankfully I was able to talk to my therapist about it, which she reminded me: I should not be surprised. It is a pattern of behavior that has always happened and therefore it should be no surprise. It hurts because I have been giving him the sympathy that I should have been awarding myself. Feeling bad about his position and feeling sorry for him, while the ones who are actually suffering from his mistakes (the kids and I) I haven't been giving that sympathy towards.

So lesson learned: If someone consistently shows you who they are, believe them. While this is something I logically know, sometimes it has to smack you across the back of your head before you actually put it in perspective. This was that moment for me, lesson learned, and time to move on.

Treat yourself just as well as you treat others.

Then Thanksgiving came along, and its always a rough one for me every year. Last year was the first year the kids and I decided we no longer wanted to celebrate. The meaning of thanksgiving isn't one that resides within us, and we would much rather see family under different circumstances. But aside from that, every year prior was a year of reminders that my family simply do not care. I would spend hours upon hours of prepping an cooking just for a majority to either show up late coming from other peoples dinners already full and not wanting to eat but just showing up to save face, or not show up at all. We once went to my dads instead and had a very small thanksgiving dinner with him and my brother, but my dad for what ever reason gets irritated with my son since he likes to move around a lot, and just wants to talk badly about my family/mom the entire night.

Its more draining and a chore than a celebration of thankfulness. So this past week felt like more of a week of mourning the family I always wish I had.

Thankfully, I have a great support system, and they helped me work through it all. Even planned a future Friendsgiving for next year, where we will not only celebrate the chosen family, but give thanks to the Indigenous for all that they have done, & prayers for those who were lost.

So yea, it doesn't sound like much but it felt like a lot and taking a break from social media in general was the best thing I could do for my mental health. Sit with the thoughts, and move through them just like the good ol' therapist said!

Tomorrow is a new day though! And back to he grind we go! Back to daily posting, posting more blogs, and being more active within the groups. Thank you to all of those who have reached out to me with support and loving words and just to check in on me. I see you, and I very much appreciate you.

So, again, if you resonate with this at all, just know you are not alone! Life is stressful, and be gentle on yourself. Remember taking breaks is a GOOD thing. We all need it. Money is fluid, it comes and goes just as fast as it came. Promoting yourself is very important, but you and your mental health should ALWAYS come first!

"It takes an awesome amount of courage to feel the terror of true personal and professional growth -- and to keep it going -- even when you sort of feel you're dying. But continuing when you're frightened is how you become a legend" -5am club

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